Wednesday, 26 November 2014

England's one day team is the worst in the World, and will not get any better in the foreseable future

ARGGGGHHHHHH! England have just lost to Sri Lanka in one day cricket. 

Nothing unusual about that, you might say. And you would be correct, because England are absolutely terrible at one day cricket. However, England have some very talented one day players, so why are they so utterly shite?

The England Cricket team, yesterday

Here is why: it is not the players, it is the selectors and management, who for the past 3 years under Flower, Giles and now Moores, have picked a team on these two overriding principles:

Pick the batsmen based on their ability to bowl  

Pick the bowlers based on their ability to bat


This has meant that increasingly, England are turning up to one day matches with only three or even two specialist bowlers.

This is madness.  No, its worse, it's stupidity.

You have to bowl 50 overs!  Making up 30 of them in bits and pieces bowlers is just stupid!  Why has nobody in the press noticed this?

So today we have bowling in one of the specialist slots Ben Stokes, a promising and talented cricketer who should be NOWHERE NEAR the one day side at this stage of his career, because he is in the class: "can't bat, can't bowl" (because of form, not talent).  He bowled poor to average, and batted like a rookie (which he is) and everybody knew he was about to get out 5 balls before he did.  He looked like a walking wicket.  Rubbish.

Then we have Chris Woakes.  Again a fine, talented cricketer WHO IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO PLAY FOR ENGLAND either as a batsman or a bowler, so obviously they keep picking him as him can do both disciplines to a "not quite good enough" standard.

The bowling is completed with poor old Tredders, who keeps getting dropped after playing well, and Gurney who is a tyro and may or may not turn out to be a good bowler at this level, but asking him to carry the attack at this stage of his career is ridiculous.

So, there's 4 bowlers, two of which are not really bowlers.  But where is bowler no. 5?  Well obviously the fifth bowler's innings don't count as real innings to Englands mentalist management, because there isn't one.   Rooty can twirl a few, Moeen will trundle in a bit, Ravi can have a bash.  We'll sort it out somehow.

So onto the batsmen.  Or as I know them now: the shit batsmen.

Moeen is a player I really admire, and he played a blinder today, however dropping Hales at the top of the order for him "because he can bowl a bit" is lunacy.   Play him by all means, BUT PLAY HALES TOO.  Why is Cook still playing in one day cricket?  He is simply not an effective one day player.  Again I genuinely admire the man, but he should be nowhere near the one day team in any sane world, he's a fucking clogger at best, he has 2 shots, WHY IS HE THERE?  Tactically he's a shit captain too, so that is no excuse.

Oh here comes Bell, in at three.  Oh there he goes again, out after not making much impact.  This has been Bell's one day career for 5 fucking years.  WHY IS HE STILL IN THE TEAM?  He is an excellent test player, no doubt, but he is SHIT at one day cricket.

No problem. Rooty is coming in now.  Oh he's out.   At least he bowled some overs and did nothing.  Root will become a great player, but he should not be picked for all forms of cricket on this basis.  I do think he actually deserves a place in the team, but the fact he can bowl a bit should not KEEP him in the team if he keeps failing.

Morgan is a fantastic player, but he is horrifically, heroically out of nick. Not his fault, he will be back.  Give him time, at least he has proven he can do it at this level.

Buttler will come good.  He simply can't win the game on his own everytime. 

Finally in the "batsmen", here comes Ravi.  Bowls a few dobblers, uses up some overs, and now he comes in his role of  the "not quite finishing the job off" man.  Does well, doesn't support the tail properly, and ultimately fails. Again.  Despite never qwuite getting over the line, I still quite like Ravi a lot, and do think he should be no. 7,  even though the management decided he shouldn't be in the team last summer when he was in cracking form, the fucknuts.

For fucks sake England, this team is shit.

Start picking proper players.  Pick the best batsmen, and pick the best bowlers.  Stop picking people on reputation (particularly players who's reputation in this form of the game is AWFUL), and STOP PICKING BATSMAN BECAUSE THEY CAN BOWL A BIT, OR BOWLERS BECAUSE THEY CAN BAT A BIT.

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