I started out as this little public school twat on telly. I meant no harm. I was a fucking waste of oxygen, but no more than that. I played a sort of anti-authoritarian, leftish-liberalish heir of Peter Cooke.
People liked me.
I got a little I got lucky when it turned out my colleague was funny. But everybody loved me. I had power, I had authority!
I had everything.
I started to believe.
I started to believe that I knew so much better, and that people were all fools. That my school was actually quite good. That the Conservatives were not actually all that bad after all. That maybe "the market" wasn't some crazy load of old bollocks, but could actually improve all our lives! ... or at least, mine.
Then it all started to slip...slip...slip....slip away.
Suddenly I became a Tory cunt.
"Perhaps we deserve the bankers that we get..." I said today on TV.
...
Ian Hislop, you sellout little fuck. "Perhaps we deserve the bankers that we get?". No of course we don't you prick.
You might as well say: "perhaps we deserve all the painful bowel cancer we get?".
What a fucking idiot this man has become.
Showing posts with label twat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twat. Show all posts
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Five political commentators the BBC should never use again
For this weeks top ten books, watches, dvds, music, toys and more, visit Yngoo!
1) Katie Hopkins - This evil harpy delights in "saying the unsayable", or to put it another way, being an absolutely selfish, thoughtless, nasty, greedy, reactionary, grasping, Tory shitbag. She compliments this with a smug self satisfaction that makes her perhaps the least likable human being currently on the planet.
2) Ruth Lea - This remarkably twattish woman is supposed to be an economist, and in fact used to appear on Newsnight every night to tell us all about how the economy was doing ("very well indeed"), how house prices were fine ("they can only go up! It's simple supply and demand!"), how neoliberal economic policies were the saviour of the World ("we must deregulate the banks more, oh and stop taxing the rich!"). Post 2008 and the worldwide economic collapse that following her favourite policies caused, she wasn't booked much. Not surprising, as she was wrong about EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything. She is now starting to poke her head above the (very low) parapet again though and the BBC have started to use her "expert" opinions again. Look BBC: she is a fucking idiot, her economic policies are nasty, selfish and failed, and now she has bravely rejoined the Conservative Party (she left when Labour were in power, make your own mind up why) we all all know her agenda. STOP BOOKING THE BITCH!
3) Kelvin MacKenzie - The twat's twat. Another nasty, reactionary apologist of the super rich, a proponent of any policy that hurts the poor and protects the wealthy. Please BBC, if you're having a debate, and you perhaps think you need someone to give a right wing view on some subject, then please do not pick up the phone to Kelvin Mackenzie! Let him fester alone with his opinions, opinions destined never to be listened to, never to be allowed to leave his rotten, broken head. It's the only way he will ever learn.
4) Edwina Currie - Horrible, arrogant, pompous old trout. Another failed right wing shit bag who appears to have absolutely no fucking clue about the world. Her solution to people being stuck in the snow we had before Christmas? A tax cut on 4x4 vehicles. I honestly don't think she was joking, she is just really, really dumb. Really, really dumb, and earning OUR MONEY in BBC fees to spout this shite on the radio. STOP BOOKING HER BBC!
5) Any arsehole from the fucking Taxpayers Alliance - Now these really are the worst of the lot. A fake "grassroots" organisation, funded by Tory donors (see here), these sinister pricks used to turn up every day on the BBC. Touch-wood they seem to have fucked off ever since the Tories got in, I guess the rich and powerful that fund them think they have won now they have the evil party in charge, and would rather spend their money on sweatshops, or campaigning to remove the minimum wage. But they will be back, and they will be spouting the same lies and misinformation as they did before, so keep vigilant BBC, and STOP LETTING THEM GET FREE AIR TIME. Oh and just to some-up what a bunch of utter shite hawks these people are, Ruth Lea used to be on the board.
2014 update: This was written several years ago, before the scourge of UKIP ravaged across the land. Nowadays you can't turn on the BBC without that UTTER WANKER Farage showing his froggy head and lieing through his teeth. I was right about the Taxpayers Alliance though - they have gone proper quiet haven't they? Tossers.
1) Katie Hopkins - This evil harpy delights in "saying the unsayable", or to put it another way, being an absolutely selfish, thoughtless, nasty, greedy, reactionary, grasping, Tory shitbag. She compliments this with a smug self satisfaction that makes her perhaps the least likable human being currently on the planet.
2) Ruth Lea - This remarkably twattish woman is supposed to be an economist, and in fact used to appear on Newsnight every night to tell us all about how the economy was doing ("very well indeed"), how house prices were fine ("they can only go up! It's simple supply and demand!"), how neoliberal economic policies were the saviour of the World ("we must deregulate the banks more, oh and stop taxing the rich!"). Post 2008 and the worldwide economic collapse that following her favourite policies caused, she wasn't booked much. Not surprising, as she was wrong about EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything. She is now starting to poke her head above the (very low) parapet again though and the BBC have started to use her "expert" opinions again. Look BBC: she is a fucking idiot, her economic policies are nasty, selfish and failed, and now she has bravely rejoined the Conservative Party (she left when Labour were in power, make your own mind up why) we all all know her agenda. STOP BOOKING THE BITCH!
3) Kelvin MacKenzie - The twat's twat. Another nasty, reactionary apologist of the super rich, a proponent of any policy that hurts the poor and protects the wealthy. Please BBC, if you're having a debate, and you perhaps think you need someone to give a right wing view on some subject, then please do not pick up the phone to Kelvin Mackenzie! Let him fester alone with his opinions, opinions destined never to be listened to, never to be allowed to leave his rotten, broken head. It's the only way he will ever learn.
4) Edwina Currie - Horrible, arrogant, pompous old trout. Another failed right wing shit bag who appears to have absolutely no fucking clue about the world. Her solution to people being stuck in the snow we had before Christmas? A tax cut on 4x4 vehicles. I honestly don't think she was joking, she is just really, really dumb. Really, really dumb, and earning OUR MONEY in BBC fees to spout this shite on the radio. STOP BOOKING HER BBC!
5) Any arsehole from the fucking Taxpayers Alliance - Now these really are the worst of the lot. A fake "grassroots" organisation, funded by Tory donors (see here), these sinister pricks used to turn up every day on the BBC. Touch-wood they seem to have fucked off ever since the Tories got in, I guess the rich and powerful that fund them think they have won now they have the evil party in charge, and would rather spend their money on sweatshops, or campaigning to remove the minimum wage. But they will be back, and they will be spouting the same lies and misinformation as they did before, so keep vigilant BBC, and STOP LETTING THEM GET FREE AIR TIME. Oh and just to some-up what a bunch of utter shite hawks these people are, Ruth Lea used to be on the board.
2014 update: This was written several years ago, before the scourge of UKIP ravaged across the land. Nowadays you can't turn on the BBC without that UTTER WANKER Farage showing his froggy head and lieing through his teeth. I was right about the Taxpayers Alliance though - they have gone proper quiet haven't they? Tossers.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Kelvin MacKenzie, lickspittle of Murdoch.
Christ I hate Kelvin MacKenzie. This twat is on Radio 5 right now banging on about how much he loves Rupert Murdoch in light of the phone hacking allegations. "He's a great man, a brilliant bloke, I wish there were thousands of him", he says. "He created 30,000 jobs out of mid air!". "He is no threat to democracy, only 20% of the population buy a newspaper!". "Buying a newspaper is a CHOICE! That is why he is no threat!". Honestly the sophistry and hero worship are combined to such an extent I think he might actually being wanking whilst talking live on the radio. Surely nobody in the country ever loved a former boss with such passion as the former editor of The Sun MacKenzie does? It makes me wonder how Murdoch holds such power over him, but I doubt it's anything particularly sinister. I just think that MacKenzie is an absolute bell-end of epic proportions who loves the sound of his own voice and will forever play the apologist to the rich and powerful to the detriment of the "common people" he so often claims to be a crusader for.
Well good for you Kelvin, you hypocritical knobber. Why don't you go whoring yourself around the networks prostrating yourself for the cause. It can only raise your shitty profile as a twat-for-hire after all. Go for it Kelvin, after all nobody could possibly think any worse of you.
Well good for you Kelvin, you hypocritical knobber. Why don't you go whoring yourself around the networks prostrating yourself for the cause. It can only raise your shitty profile as a twat-for-hire after all. Go for it Kelvin, after all nobody could possibly think any worse of you.
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Robbie Fucking Savage
Last year, it was Gabriele Marcotti. This year's Radio Five Live's obsession is: Robbie Fucking Savage. A man so in love with himself that he considers sleeping with the wife a threesome.
Like Marcotti last year, he has infested Radio 5 like a particularly virulent case of gonorrhea, only less popular. Why are the BBC obsessed with this twat? HE HAS NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY. HE IS NOT FUNNY. HE HAS NO GREAT INSIGHT. HE IS JUST AVAILABLE.
What makes it worse is that he will not criticise his fellow professionals, making him a pretty dull pundit. This is completely understandable because he is too close to them, he is still playing the game. He over compensates by being completely unreasonable with any opinion that does criticise players, not allowing anyone else to get a word in.
Why do the BBC do this to us? They already inflict Allan Green and Steve Claridge on the public, we don't need another opinionated twat on the radio. And don't get me started about Nicky Cambell, what a fucking arsehole he is.
Like Marcotti last year, he has infested Radio 5 like a particularly virulent case of gonorrhea, only less popular. Why are the BBC obsessed with this twat? HE HAS NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY. HE IS NOT FUNNY. HE HAS NO GREAT INSIGHT. HE IS JUST AVAILABLE.
What makes it worse is that he will not criticise his fellow professionals, making him a pretty dull pundit. This is completely understandable because he is too close to them, he is still playing the game. He over compensates by being completely unreasonable with any opinion that does criticise players, not allowing anyone else to get a word in.
Why do the BBC do this to us? They already inflict Allan Green and Steve Claridge on the public, we don't need another opinionated twat on the radio. And don't get me started about Nicky Cambell, what a fucking arsehole he is.
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Gabriele Marcotti - why?
Gabriele Marcotti must have pictures of the BBC sports editor boning a watermelon or something; his presence has infested every level of sports presentation across all of the BBC's "content streams". He's currently banging away on Radio Five Live. On a Thursday night. Like he does on Friday. And Sunday six-o-six. And Match of the Day on BBC. And the Football League show on BBC 2. And Football Focus. And the Monday Night club back on Radio Five Live. And on Tuesdays and Wednesday on Radio Five Live. Got a news story about football, need an expert soundbite? Call Marcotti. So he's also on the news reports.
Who is he? His opinions are about as well thought through as Garth Crooks'. He is not as entertaining as Kris Akabusi, or as good looking as Steve Claridge. So why is he everywhere?
Speaking of Claridge, I've always thought of him as a self important tosspot, but he gives every impression of loathing Marcotti whenever they appear together, which is a lot considering that they are both on the TV or Radio every single fucking day of the year. Sometimes I think he is about to snap and kick Marcotti in his smug face, but he never has. Come on Claridge, grow a backbone and deck the bastard you boring twat!
Who is he? His opinions are about as well thought through as Garth Crooks'. He is not as entertaining as Kris Akabusi, or as good looking as Steve Claridge. So why is he everywhere?
Speaking of Claridge, I've always thought of him as a self important tosspot, but he gives every impression of loathing Marcotti whenever they appear together, which is a lot considering that they are both on the TV or Radio every single fucking day of the year. Sometimes I think he is about to snap and kick Marcotti in his smug face, but he never has. Come on Claridge, grow a backbone and deck the bastard you boring twat!
Thursday, 26 November 2009
The question of Garth Crooks
Garth Crooks has been off my radar, but last night he turned up on Radio Five Live and spent 3 hours spouting ill-informed, patronising drivel. And I though: if he can do it, so can I! So here I am.
Among Garth's more outlandish statements was this one on the topic of building a new football stadium and how it can improve things for your club: "it works, Arsenal are the proof of that!".
Well are they now? Lets think....no they are not. In the preceding ten years to the move the the Emirates, at the gloriously ancient and marbled Highbury they won three championships and four FA Cups, including two doubles in 1998 and 2002. Since moving to the swanky new Emirates, they may be able to cram in another 20,000 or so glory hunters a match, and I dare say their corporate facilities are smashing if you like that sort of thing, but they have won a sum total of fuck all.
Is that proof that moving to a new ground works? It is to Garth, and he makes his living knowing about this sort of thing.
Among Garth's more outlandish statements was this one on the topic of building a new football stadium and how it can improve things for your club: "it works, Arsenal are the proof of that!".
Well are they now? Lets think....no they are not. In the preceding ten years to the move the the Emirates, at the gloriously ancient and marbled Highbury they won three championships and four FA Cups, including two doubles in 1998 and 2002. Since moving to the swanky new Emirates, they may be able to cram in another 20,000 or so glory hunters a match, and I dare say their corporate facilities are smashing if you like that sort of thing, but they have won a sum total of fuck all.
Is that proof that moving to a new ground works? It is to Garth, and he makes his living knowing about this sort of thing.
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